married to a stranger.
its hard enough getting married to someone you like. what about when you marry a stranger? is it easier? more difficult? less of a hassle? more expectations?
our generation seems to be specializing in the independant life set up. i am me. you are you and together we have a life. the need factor is diminishing because both are actively involved in setting up a life. marriages of long ago functioned on a need factor...is that why they lasted longer? if the woman had had a choice, would she have left the stranger she married if they didnt hit it off?? or was the concept different altogether? did marriages just last because they were supposed to? does overthinking kill the concept of marriage which is, cut down to the basic, just 2 people sharing living space?
i know many people who married friends. and i know some who married strangers. people they had met a total of 3 times before they got married. or only gotten to know after an engagement. the success rate of the stranger marriages is higher. why? did they walk in with open minds and open hearts, ready to compromise on things for the sake of being part of a unit? and where do friends go wrong? why do sweet love stories sour? too much wanted out of what is a simple equation of 1 person plus another equals 2 living together. does love heighten our sense of life? do we want more? and how do we know even in love you havent settled for less?
our generation seems to be specializing in the independant life set up. i am me. you are you and together we have a life. the need factor is diminishing because both are actively involved in setting up a life. marriages of long ago functioned on a need factor...is that why they lasted longer? if the woman had had a choice, would she have left the stranger she married if they didnt hit it off?? or was the concept different altogether? did marriages just last because they were supposed to? does overthinking kill the concept of marriage which is, cut down to the basic, just 2 people sharing living space?
i know many people who married friends. and i know some who married strangers. people they had met a total of 3 times before they got married. or only gotten to know after an engagement. the success rate of the stranger marriages is higher. why? did they walk in with open minds and open hearts, ready to compromise on things for the sake of being part of a unit? and where do friends go wrong? why do sweet love stories sour? too much wanted out of what is a simple equation of 1 person plus another equals 2 living together. does love heighten our sense of life? do we want more? and how do we know even in love you havent settled for less?
posted by jammie @ 7:22 AM
8 Comments:
At 7:46 AM,
Faraz said…
Can I ask your opinion about what most women think of leaving their home and starting their lives with a stranger and his family?
Any tips on how this transition can be made a little less painful?
I am asked to spend 6-8 months in Pakistan after getting married so that the girl feels comfortable enough to return to US with me (don't ask me the logic behind this, I'm still scratching my head over all this)
At 8:12 AM,
jammie said…
well its a different way of doing this. im assuming youre being asked to do this because it will be easier for you guys to settle down as a couple before daily life takes over. but on one hand its scary coz you will be functioning in a bubble. i mean...in 6-8 months you will be devoting time solely to each other (unless you plan to work here). i dont know if ever in "real life" you get that kind of break. you are generally supposed to adapt together to everything. im no shrink really. am trying to figure things out on my end too so its good to ahve you ask these things. also it really depends on what your relationship with your future wife and what kind of perosn she is. :)
At 11:25 AM,
Faraz said…
hehehe ... Thanks for the reply!
There is complete radio silence from the girl's end and her family is waiting for me to visit them in person before they decide on anything.
I am trying to come up with some practical suggestions of my own to make her transition less difficult for her and her family.
At 11:27 AM,
Faraz said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
At 12:47 PM,
jammie said…
wow. well best of luck and i think its great that you are willing to be part of the process rather than playing dumb duck like so many men.
At 7:31 AM,
sam said…
I don't see the logic behind that faraz. Agree with Jammie completely. I think you staying here on a six month honeymoon is going to make it so much harder to adjust to "real life" in the US considering that you would definitely have to get back to your work and life there and she'll be high and dry. Makes more sense to spend that time there with her helping her adjust. Like this couple I know (guy from down under) spent their "honeymoon" in sydney because he wanted to be sure she could function easily without him once he went back to school and work.
At 10:12 AM,
Shezalldat said…
I agree with jammie... spending 6-8 months out of real life doesnt really help you settle in. Infact, I was made to do that. I was living in Toronto Canada before i got married, my husband was doing his cisco certification through pakistan (its inexpensive there). he had another 6 months to go, so my father in law asked me to come to pakistan to get married and stay with him and the family and get to know them so itd be easier when they all moved to Toronto. BIG mistake! lifestyle in pakistan is completely different than here. I was working here, so I had to be up at 5 and out the door by 6 to miss rush hour. But in pakistan, amidst the servants and hence the lack of household chores, i would sleep in (plus the fact that hubby's classes were in the afternoon) only to be attributed as the lazy bride. getting to know your hubby amngst ur in laws is not easy for the girl. for the guy its much easier...but not 6-8 months. even 10 days with her family, so she gets accustomed to u in her own environment is fine. i would have loved to have married my hubby and return to mama's home for 10 days to spend time with him in my environment before being faced with 10 other people from his house. this way i get to know him first, then the others.
either way... at the end.. it depends on what kind of personality u both mantain!
At 8:43 AM,
the cowlick said…
I think what's most important is to be happy. If one can love the stranger they marry and be happy with them, good for them. If it doesn't work out, try till you can't try anymore and if it still doesn't work out, move on.
There are always expectations from a marriage, love or arranged. It's never easy for either to break up.
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