separation anxiety

From the day I got engaged, I had every intention of being a super cool wife. You know the kind- the ones who give their husbands lots of space when he wants to be with the boys and don't nag about the socks on the floor and basically have their own bunch of things to do in life without complaining how he's too busy or has too much work to be able to always hang out with me.

Almost a year into married life and I think I have held up my intentions rather well. For the most part of it I think I have been good. But holidays always spoil you silly. After 13 days of having k to myself, I am now used to seeing him around me somewhere, swimming in the pool in Galle, walking on the street in Colombo next to me, enjoying the buffet at Kandalama hotel. It was constant eye-contact connection, one that I was enjoying immensely. The past few days have seen us both back at work and smack in the midst of wedding season with a flurry of frenetic activity. Early work morning, late mehndi nights, evenings running errands and poof, the days are gone.

I'm trying to rationalize the fact that one cannot live within arms length of each other all the night and of course my rational side has explained to me how the holidays are pockets of wonderfulness, enjoyable more because for the rest of the year we earn them. I understand that, of course, we have to get back to "normal" life where we have our own timings and schedules and commitment- a life where we have to actually construct time for each other. We have to deal with seeing each other in the evenings and that too usually at someone's wedding these days. I understand it all; but I honestly cannot stop the feeling that curls inside me, that makes me want to pick up the phone and call him just to chit chat with him about ridiculous details of the day or hear his voice on the hour. I find myself doing more things in the day these days to cover up for thinking time- a subliminal keep busy sign till k gets back. And all the while I cringe at the much hated typical wife I sound like all the while laughing gamely at the big voice saying gotcha! in my head.