Trials of the "Not-So-Mommy" Mommy.

marriage is not for the faint-hearted. neither is having babies.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

heightened living

At some point or the other we all find ourselves doing routine things without thinking. Sometimes as simple as going back to the same place, ordering the same thing over and over again and at other times it can be as complicated as finding yourself a part of a relationhip dynamic that no longer does something for you.

As human beings and consumers, we live in the age of choice. Everything we want has an alternative. A back up. If Lipton does not suit me, I will turn to Tapal. If the coffee at Costa is not my taste, then Espresso it is. Or Baluch. Or Cafe Clifton. My options are unlimited. But more often than not, out of sheer force of habit, or familiarity, one tends to stick to safe things. Which have been around, even if they don't do for me what I would like. Atleats they are safe.

With me, usually, it's a death that rearranges the boxes in my head. And I go into questioning mode...wondering if the patterns that we have fallen in in life are actually choices, things we have opted to do because they add thats something special to the quality of our lives. Because we all realize, however ephemerally, especially soon after losing someone important or seeing someone lose someone important, that life is too short to spend precious time doing too many random things with too many random people, who will always only dance about the edges of your actual existence. And then you start looking beneath and beyond the faff, for the people who truly matter, who honestly care and who will be there when you need them to be and work to stay there. You start looking for work and things that evoke a passion in you, that spark some life into the way you think, the way you live and in who you, one day, want to be. By choice.

3 Comments:

  • At 7:36 AM, Blogger sam said…

    I know you're doing what you love. Hope all's well with you otherwise.

     
  • At 9:36 PM, Blogger Pat-Beejni said…

    Hi,

    Im new here but couldnt help commenting on your post...im the same...a loss always makes you reevaluate what you have been prioritizing which never seems to add up to what you feel you should be doing....however i also find when im over the shock of the loss...when time heals the wounds...the scars somehow dont seem to remain vivid enough to hold onto that feeling ..i get caught in the rut all over again...almost as if im waiting to lose something again...hoping that may be this time..ill actually fight the temptation and make a change.

    i like the way you write...i relate.

     
  • At 6:43 AM, Blogger The friendly lion said…

    started reading today...got hooked...read all the archives :)

     

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