steering clear
In a conversation today, a friend was telling me about a friend she has- who she has never ever had a fight with. No argument, no showdown, no not-talking-for-months-then-making-it-ok. She said that whenever they felt they were heading towards a topic where they would have a difference of opinion, they would steer away, not talk about it. "Over the years," she admitted, "we do have less to talk about completely honestly, but I guess atleast we are still friends."
posted by jammie @ 6:53 AM
11 Comments:
At 8:46 PM,
moizza said…
Conventionally fighting is still seen as a way of communicating, of showing you care enough to fight about something. I'm trying out non-communication exactly like this for the first time and though it makes for swathes of peaceful coexistence, non-communication doesn't pack much of a punch as a conversation.
At 9:47 PM,
N said…
I think that fights/arguments are healthy for relationships. If people dont argue/discuss their differences their lives would be simply BORING! and let's be honest no two people can agree on everything...just a thought!
At 10:31 PM,
jammie said…
i found this interesting because i cant imagine a relationship of mine being conducted in the kind of "quiet peace" she was talking about- most of my closest friends and i have had blatant rip roaring difference in thoughts followed by hurt, not talking and then eventually growing up into somehow betterfriends (if both of us are mature enough to accept that) -maybe i should try this steerclear method just to see what it actually feels like.
At 11:01 PM,
mahnoor said…
i know what you mean. my two closest friends are worlds apart in terms of their friendship. there's one whom i've had earth-shattering fights with, that led to months and months of ignoring and avoiding each other. and then there's the friend whom i've NEVER fought with. it's hard to say who's closer to me, but i know for a fact that it's sooo much easier to talk to the friend i've fought with, because i know we've seen the worst, and we've grown with it.
At 12:26 AM,
Kat said…
Dear God, please dont ever let me have an almost mute relationship...the muteness sounds depressing....and artificial!
Amen
At 2:26 AM,
insiyasyed said…
Ditto kat.
Amen indeed.
At 12:56 AM,
Shezalldat said…
i'd call that a compromise and a sad misfortune. fights and disagreements are what remove mundane-ness and add that fiery challenge into a r'ship. what's life without that drama?
p.s. howre u doing btw, long time no see!
At 1:50 AM,
The Lil fairy & her angel friends said…
heheh.. friends and still no fights, no talks:) amazing!
At 9:37 PM,
Anonymous said…
I have never had a showdown with any of my friends, the ones I did develop differences with I grew apart from.
I discuss everything under the sun with my friends, we obviously disagree on many issues, but we differ right then and there (usually amiably, very rarely not) and its over and done with. Can't imagine fighting honest to goodness with a friend and then having a really long term relationship.
At 9:50 PM,
heenad said…
i agree sometimes its better to say what you feel and be straightforward. But sometimes its just better to keep quiet and let things slide.
At 6:47 AM,
PR said…
I'm still a teenager. Havent seen life as much as you have.
But I've never had a major fight with my best friend. Sure we have our differences, but we talk them out. arguments over discussions are fun but I've never come to a point where we've avoided one another for months. Maybe some cold vibes for a day or two but thats about it.
Fighting over petty things instead of dealing with them in a better way.. i don't know if that's worth it.
not that we should ignore differences, but why not deal with them in a way other than fighting.
if you did have some crazy fight though, wouldnt that aspect of the person annoy you forever? you'd know how bad they can become and the point where you begin to despise them. how can things continue being the same way with that knowledge vivdly alive?
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